A senior member of the government, (who chose to remain unamed), gave us this statement as he enjoyed a "Pimms" whilst shaking hands with the landlord of his local, "The Cricketers Box";

"Anyone who says this government has no mind for the well-being of the public, simply needs to look at what we are doing in the name of public health, and they will better-understand the length's the Labour government is going to, in order to protect the voters, and in doing so, we are also helping the ailing health service, meaning the voter gets double for their alcohol-tax, if they stick with Labour."

Size Matters
"Using current sized shopping baskets, its all to easy for members of the public to hurt themselves as their "Everest-esque" piles of tinnies, stacked precariously on top of a loaf of 'value' bread and a tub of blueband margerine, could all to easily topple, causing serious injury to not only the toes of the shopper, but also those of the random groups of children known to frequent council-estate supermarkets in a bid to get an adult to buy their booze and fags for them".

"But by forcing the supermarket bosses to invest in larger baskets, its hoped that by our direct action, we will actually cut the numbers of shopper-causalties, as well as cutting down on the numbers of young children who are harmed by alcohol.

"So in order to preserve and promote public safety amongst the alcohol buying public, as well as that of our children, the government decided to let the oiks and plebs have bigger baskets."

When asked if the larger baskets wouldn't actually have the opposite effect, causing people to actually buy MORE cans & bottles, collecting MORE taxes, we were informed our time with the minister, and as such our interview, was over.

More proof-if-it-were-needed, that the government is hell-bent on saving the UK from alcohol harm.

By Terence H Charles

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